Brighter Futures

Welcome to Brighter Futures

  Frances Weston with her therapy dog,Tilly

This blog is written by Frances Weston, a counsellor, psychotherapist, play therapist and EFT practioner, based in Staffordshire.

I run a private counselling practice - Brighter Futures Counselling and Therapy Services - and work with adults and children.

My blog aims to share information and feature advice on issues connected with counselling and psychotherapy, child and adult mental health, emotional wellbeing and other related issues.  I will also keep you updated with news about what's happening at Brighter Futures.

Brighter Futures News: Frances Weston speaks on BBC Radio Derby about findings of BIDMC-led study into increased risk of heart attack following bereavement

 

 

 

Following publication yesterday of the findings of the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center's research into the into the links between bereavement and subsequent risk of heart attack, I was interviewed by Phil Trow on BBC Radio Derby this morning, in my capacity as a bereavement counsellor.

The study found that a person's risk of experiencing a heart attack was approximately 21 times greater within the first 24 hours of the death of a loved one, with the risk remaining 8 times higher in the first week, and remaining high for a further month.  These findings were based on interviews with 2,000 patients who suffered a heart attack over a five year period.

You can listen to the interview here It appears 35 minutes and 40 seconds into the breakfast show.

Lead author Elizabeth Mostofsky, MPH, ScD, said "Bereavement and grief are associated with increased feelings of depression, anxiety and anger, and those have been shown to be associated with increases in heart rate and blood pressure, and changes in the blood that make it more likely to clot, all of which can lead to a heart attack".

Whilst the risk is much higher in people who have pre-existing heart problems, "broken heart syndrome" - caused when a traumatising incident triggers the brain to distribute chemicals that weaken heart tissue - can occur in previously healthy individuals.

Even animals can experience this reaction to the stress of a loss: you may have heard the moving story of Army dog handler Liam Tasker's dog dying from a heart attack within a few hours of Liam's fatal shooting in Afghanistan in March 2011.

At times of extreme emotional stress like a bereavement, our health is likely to suffer further due to factors such as lack of sleep; loss of appetite (or reliance on more 'junk' food than usual); perhaps smoking and/or drinking too much; lack of exercise; loss of interest in social activities and so on. 

So, if you - or someone you know - has recently been bereaved, what can be done to reduce the risks?

• Encourage a recently bereaved person to talk about how they feel, initially with friends and family, to enable them to process the events surrounding the bereavement, and reduce the sense of shock.  If a person is still struggling to come to terms with their loss weeks/months afterwards, then suggest they see a counsellor experienced in grief work. There are lots of private counsellors who offer this service, as well as voluntary agencies such as Cruse Bereavement Care
• Help out with healthy eating by offering to do a food shop for them, or cooking them a meal now and then.  Often when we feel really low the effort of shopping and cooking can seem overwhelming, but if someone puts a meal in front of us, we can usually manage to eat.
• If the person is already suffering from heart problems, ensure they visit their GP for a check-up, and encourage them to take any medication they may be on (its easy to forget when under extreme psychological stress)
• Encourage social activity so a bereaved person does not become too isolated.  Even ringing regularly for a brief chat can make a big difference.  It is normal for a bereaved person not to feel like facing much social contact, and people can avoid them for fear of saying the wrong thing, but company is good for someone experiencing grief - especially if they live alone.
• Encourage the person to take a little light exercise regularly and, if possible, join them in the activity - its always easier to maintain regular exercise with some support from someone else.
• Enlisiting help with all the above from other relatives, friends or colleagues - perhaps by way of a rota- can lighten the load and take the pressure off anyone trying to care for a bereaved person on their own.

 

 

Choosing a Counsellor

I am often asked to help friends and acquaintences find a counsellor who is local to them, and for advice about how to decide who to choose if there is more than one in their area.  So I thought I would post this extract from an article I wrote for Staffordshire Living magazine in July 2010:

There are a number of factors to consider when choosing a counsellor:

• Qualifications – At the moment counselling/psychotherapy is an unregulated profession, so it is important to check out a practitioner’s level of qualification.  Ideally counsellors should be trained to at least diploma level with a reputable educational organisation.
• Experience – It is important to know that your counsellor has been practising long enough to have gained varied experience.  A counsellor does not necessarily need to have personal experience of the issue you bring to them, or even to have worked with that issue before, but needs to be able to ‘put themselves in your shoes’ to understand what the issue means to you. 
• If you are looking for a counsellor to work with a child, then it is vital that they have appropriate qualifications and experience of working with children and young people, as well as enhanced CRB disclosure.
• Accreditation - If a counsellor is registered/accredited with a professional body (for example, the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy - BACP) this means they must have achieved a substantial level of training and experience and demonstrated this to the organisation.
• Theoretical approach of the practitioner – Counsellors may offer ‘person-centred’, ‘psychodynamic’, ‘psychoanalytical’, ‘behavioural’, ‘cognitive behavioural’, or ‘humanistic’ therapy, to name but a few approaches.  Knowing what these terms mean, and which approach is going to suit you best, can feel confusing!

A good place to start is by visiting the website of the BACP http://www.bacp.co.uk where you will find lots of information about the different types of therapies available, together with a directory of counsellors/psychotherapists in your area.

The Counselling Directory, an online directory of counsellors in the UK offers this advice (www.counselling-directory.org.uk) “Remember, counselling or psychotherapy is an important step forward for you so take your time, read about as many counsellors and psychotherapists as you wish before deciding upon one that best suits your individual needs. You may also want to contact a number of practitioners before making your final decision. The most important thing is that you are comfortable with your choice and feel you can tell your counsellor or psychotherapist anything.”

If you need any further help or advice, please don't hesitate to contact me

Are You Ready for Love? Fantastic free telesummit can help you make sure you are!

Many people come to counselling when a relationship is on the rocks, or they are struggling to cope with being left, cheated on, or trying to move on after a painful break-up. These clients often feel a need to deal with the 'baggage' of their current or recently ended relationship, and any negative effects this may have had on their confidence and self-esteem before they feel ready to risk of trying again.  When children are involved, the risk can feel even greater.

I see many adults and children who are experiencing the 'fallout' from separation or divorce, so I was delighted when my friend and fellow coach, Dawn Petherick, contacted me and said she was putting together a line up of speakers for a free Separated2Soulmate telesummit with the aim of helping those of you who are single and struggling with any of the following issues:

• feeling stuck in the past
• lacking confidence in meeting new people
• unhappy with your body weight/shape 
• listening to your head instead of following your heart?
• making decisions based on financial constraints?
• worried about telling your children, family and friends that you’ve met someone new?
• unsure how to keep the spark alive in a new relationship?

 

Dawn asked me to contribute to the summit by talking about ways parents can help children to cope with separation and divorce. The following experts are also contributing to the summit:

 

 Dr Patricia Crane:  Letting Go, Forgiveness, and Freedom

Gladeana McMahon: Confidence Works – how to develop true and lasting Confidence

Anna Mason: Shape up for Love

Kim Bolsover: Dress to Impress your Date

Alison Tynan: Motivation to Move!

Marie-Claire Carlyle: How to become a Money Magnet

Nick Williams: Discover the work you’d really love to be doing

Debra Goldston: Finding Love through Being in the Flow

Peter Spalton: Get Yourself Dating Again 

Tony & Nicki Vee: Keeping the Passion Alive in a Relationship

Dr David Hamilton: The Power of Kindness & Contagious Thinking

The telesummit starts on Tuesday, July 12th and can be accessed via the Separated2Soulmate website - best of all,  its completely free!! Do sign up or, if you're happily loved up, please pass on the link to any single friends who you think might find the summit helpful.

 

Recommended reading - do have a look at the three books featured in the Amazon box on the right.  They are all really engaging reads and full of thought-provoking and useful information.

Self-Injury Awareness Day - 1 March 2011

SIAD is an annual international event to raise awareness about the difficult subject of self-injury, which was the subject of one of my counsellor's casebook posts recently (Young People who Self Harm)

Although at FirstSigns they work on raising awareness on the subject  every single day of the year, the 1^st March is of course special to them. The following is taken from their website:

"I’m suffering. I’m in emotional pain and distress. The only way I can cope is by  physically hurting myself. I’m causing myself physical pain and injury as it’s the only  way I know how to gain relief and release from my overwhelming distress. But I    hate that I do this to myself and I need help.

Can you imagine how hard it is to say those things? That’s why so many suffering people remain silent.Just as those things are hard to say, they’re also hard to hear. Especially when coming from a loved one."

FirstSigns cares about everyone affected by self-injury; the people who hurt themselves and also the people who care about people who hurt themselves. Do read their full blog post and help them to break the silence about self-harm today.

Love Yourself This Valentine's Day!

 

Many of my single clients express dread when Valentine's Day looms: cards in shop windows, adverts on TV, loved-up couples in restaurants are all unwelcome reminders that they are alone and without that special someone in their lives.  If this rings true for you, then how about spending this Valentine's weekend practicising the art of self love for a change?

It's often said that no-one can really love us until we first love ourselves, but what does this really mean?  What I notice about many of my clients who are struggling in unhappy relationships, or who are single but wishing they could meet someone, is that they are often highly self-critical, or that they value themselves so little that they are prepared to accept being treated badly by others.

There are many and varied reasons for low self-esteem, and exploring these within a counselling relationship can be very beneficial and help people to learn to trust themselves, become more self confident, value their own opinions and become stronger and happier (all of which makes them much more attractive as potential partners, and much more likely to choose someone who is going to treat them well too!)

If you're feeling  down on yourself, and dreading the arrival of Valentine's day, here's some great ways to shower yourself with love:

Counselling in the News: Reaction to new government strategy on mental health

The Government's new strategy 'No Health Without Mental Health' was announced on Wednesday,with £400m being pledged over four years to extend the IAPT scheme (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) so that talking therapies, including counselling, will be more widely available - especially to children and young people.

Six objectives have been set out in the strategy, to be achieved by 2014, and these are that more everyone should :

• Have good mental health
• Recover from mental health problems
• Have good physical health
• Have positive experiences of care and support
• Not suffer from avoidable harm
• Not experience stigma or discrimination

The government has committed to funding Time to Change, who campaign against stigma and discrimination towards those who suffer from mental health problems. In addition to the strategy, the Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg also announced today the Government’s intention to remove s141 of the Mental Health Act (which bars people from being MPs if they have been sectioned for more than six months) thus further reducing unhelpful stigma around mental health issues.

Reactions to the strategy have been mixed: overall it has been welcomed, but there is concern that although the importance of early intervention for children and young people has been recognised, perhaps not enough emphasis has been placed on the need for associated services being easily available for parents and families (The Mental Health Strategy Needs More Family Focus).  Others, myself included, have voiced worries about cuts being made to existing services who are already offering excellent services to children.

I have been asked for my opinion by a couple of magazines, and have commented as follows:

    "I welcome the news that the government recognises the importance of 'talking therapies' and is committing to increasing funding for the provision of these, particularly in respect of children and young people. It is very positive that the emphasis appears to be on early intervention, rather than targetting only those areas within services which deals with the more complex mental health issues; whilst these services provide valuable support and treatment, many complex problems could be avoided if children received appropriate support early on.  

However, I am concerned that this may be a case of funding being given with one hand and taken away with the other.  Within my local area I am aware of several valuable projects offering psychological support to children - both within the voluntary sector and local authority support services (such as a local school counselling initiative) - having become casualities of recent government cuts.  This is happening on a national level, alongside recruitment 'freezes' and long waiting lists within many CAMHS services.  I believe that what is needed is the provision of a range of therapies (e.g. counselling/psychotherapy; play therapy; family therapy etc) delivered by highly trained and experienced practitioners within a range of settings rather than a 'one size fits all' approach, with short-term CBT being seen as the only effective therapy - as seems to have been the case with the IAPT initiative.  It will be interesting to see how the strategy is implemented."

As always, I would love to hear your views on this, so please do leave a comment or drop me an e-mail.

 

 

Brighter Futures News: Frances Weston speaks about the effects of bereavement on children on BBC Radio Derby following Hulland Ward house fire

 

                    Phil Trow

In the wake of the recent house fire in Hulland Ward, Nr Ashbourne in which four young children tragically lost their lives, I was interviewed on Monday by Phil Trow on BBC Radio Derby's breakfast show.

We discussed the likely impact of the tragedy on the children in the local community who knew Tommy (9), Alisha (6), Rocco (4) and Appolonia (2).  You can listen here:

Frances on BBC Radio Derby - Phil Trow's Breakfast Show - 31.01.11

In a previous Counsellor's Casebook post I wrote about the ways in which bereavement affects younger children, and gave advice to adults about ways to support children who have experienced loss.  I also included useful links to organisations who offer further information and resources to parents, teachers and other professionals.

I would like to offer my deepest sympathies to anybody who has been affected by events in Hulland Ward;  please feel free to contact me if I can help in any way .

TV Dramas Unhelpful and Misleading Portrayal Of Mental Illness

I was interested to see a piece in 'Therapy Today', the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy's professional journal, yesterday complaining about the way fictional characters with mental health problems are portrayed on television.  Having just seen the second part of BBC's 'Silent Witness' a couple of nights before, I was already fuming about this very topic!

Did any of you see it?  If you did, you will know that the subject of depression was fairly central to the storyline and the use of SSRI's (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors is the name given to a group of antidepressant medicines) in particular was featured heavily.  What annoyed me was the link that was made between the use of these drugs, commonly prescribed to people suffering from depression or anxiety, and  extremely violent behaviour.  Many people could have got the impression that taking SSRI medication was a very dangerous thing for them, or a loved one, to do and this may well have made people stop taking such medication if they were already using it, or prevent them from starting to take it in the first place.  Indeed Nicky, the pathologist in the programme who was diagnosed with depression in this episode, is shown to choose not to take the SSRI she has been prescribed and the implication is that her decision has been influenced by the behaviour of another character in the storyline who had taken SSRI's and murdered several people.

While all medication carries the risk of side-effects, I felt the way 'Silent Witness' exagerrated this link was completely irresponsible and misleading, and further fuelled the stigma associated with any mental health issues.  A report by Shift, the campaign t0 tackle this stigma, says 45% of fictional characters suffering from mental health problems are depicted as violent or as posing a threat to the safety of others (e.g. Stacey Branning in East Enders).  Furthermore, 63% of references in TV soaps and dramas to people with mental health problems were 'perjorative, flippant or unsympathetic'.

I do hope there will soon come a time when this sensationalist and insensitive treatment of the subject of mental health is replaced by a more positive, balanced, realistic and factually accurate representation.

(Making a Drama Out of a Crisis - Shift - http://shift.org.uk/news/files/making-a-drama-glasgow-media-group-mental-health.html)

You can help fight the stigma associated with mental health problems by supporting organisations such as:

Stamp Out Stigma, Bring Change to Mind,  Time to Change

 

Christmas Greetings from the 'team' at Brighter Futures Counselling

 

Season's Greetings from Frances, Tilly and Gertie

 

If, as Herod, we fill our lives with things, and again with things; if we consider ourselves so unimportant that we must fill every moment of our lives with action, when will we have the time to make the long, slow journey across the desert as did the Magi? Or sit and watch the stars as did the shepherds? Or brood over the coming of the child as did Mary? For each one of us, there is a desert to travel.  A star to discover. And a being within ourselves to bring to life.

                                                                                                                                                        Author Unknown

 As my last working day of the year draws to a close, I wanted to wish anyone who reads my blog a very Happy Christmas. My warmest wishes to friends, visitors and clients - past, present and future - for a happy holiday with your loved ones.

I'm aware that Christmas can be a stressful and poignant time of year and I know that for some of you life does not feel very happy at the moment: perhaps you have suffered a bereavement, a relationship with someone precious to you has broken down,  you are struggling financially or perhaps ill health for you or a loved one is causing you distress. 

Whatever your situation, I hope that you can have some peaceful time to rest and reflect over the next few days, and find the strength and courage within to keep going - in time, all things pass.  Hold on to hope for the future as you travel your own desert, and I hope the New Year brings you peace and happiness.

 

Counsellor's Casebook: National Anti-Bullying Week - Supporting Children who have been Bullied

In recognition of the fact that this is National Anti-Bullying Week (15th-19th November) this Counsellor's Casebook post explores the subject of bullying, which is believed to affect around 75% of school-age children and young people, with girls experiencing higher levels than boys (Rivers et al, 2008).

 

 

What constitutes Bullying?

Bullying is defined by the Royal College of Psychiatrists (1996) as happening when a child, or group of children, singles out a child deliberately and in a hurtful manner and may:   

• hit or punch them
• kick them or trip them up;
• take or spoil their things;
• call them names;
• tease them;
• give them nasty looks;
• threaten them;
• make racist remarks about them;
• spread nasty rumours or stories about them;
• not let them join in play or games;
• not talk to them.

The nature of bullying is usually determined by the gender of the perpetrator/s, with girls more likely to spread rumours, gossip, banish victims from their friendship groups and be verbally spiteful, and boys more likely to resort to violence and intimidation.

Over recent years cyber bullying -  when a child, or teenager is  'tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted' (www.stopcyberbullying.org) by another child or teenager using text messaging, email, instant messaging or any other type of interactive or digital technology - has become increasingly widespread.  Electronic bullying can be much more anonymous than more traditional forms of bullying, with perpetrators using temporary e-mail accounts, false names in chat rooms, and with-holding their numbers on mobile phones, and this perhaps encourages the use of these forms of bullying.  With most children, even some primary age children, having access to the internet and often having their own mobile phones, they may still be targeted even in the ‘safety’ of their home and bedroom.

A survey of over 2000 secondary school pupils, conducted by Beatbullying (2009),  highlighted the extent of cyberbullying in the UK.  It showed that almost a third of 11-16 year olds had experienced it, with greater incidence in certain ‘high risk’ groups of children (Pupils with Special Educational Needs; those receiving free school meals, and pupils from white non-British ethnic backgrounds).

 

What Are the Signs that a Child is Being Bullied?

Any child who becomes withdrawn, depressed or reluctant to go to school, or whose performance within school deteriorates, could be experiencing bullying – though, of course, these can also be signs of other emotional upsets. 

More specific signs can include: